Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Becoming an abuser

I am an abuser. I would say the C-word but that would draw too much flak. You know: those people in uniforms that have not much to do but surf the World Wild Web, pretending to keep our kids safe; Cybercrime - they call it.

But seriously: I am an abuser, ...or, at least an enabler.

Allow me to explain!

I was recently on vacation with two objectives in mind: get drunk every day and put on as much weight as possible. I boarded a, ...well, let's leave out how I got there but I stopped by my nephew to see how he was doing and he, being a little tyke was a bit happy to see me. We went driving up to the local liquor store and I loaded up the trunk with a few cases of beer, some rum and some whiskey.

Back at the house, I proceeded to chill the beer and started drinking to my heart's delight. Dinner was served and I realized that the kid would not drink the glass of water his mother gave him. I subsequently learned the child would not drink much water. He liked juices but those drinks contain sugar, and he was quite energetic to say the least.

So I took a bottle of beer and downed it in record time before washing the bottle out and filling it with water. Next, I gave the bottle of water to my nephew before raising my bottle of beer to him with the hearty "Cheers!"

The little one raised his bottle. He hit mine with that clinking sound before we both proceeded to empty our bottles: he drank water while I drink beer.

And did you know he drank more water while I was there than he did during the entire year?

But parents: Do not try this at home, especially in the United States for the authorities can charge you with many crimes, including contributing to the delinquency of a minor; and think about the howl these child advocay groups will have if we actually figure out ways to get our ones to eat, or in this case drink healthier.

The moral of the story?

If you are going on vacation, like me, to get drunk daily and eat whatever you want without others trying to make you feel guilty, then leave your country of residence. In my case, I am from another country so I went there.

I got drunk, ate whatever I wanted and had a damn good time. Now I am back home and returning to the sane side.

There is also one good thing about getting drunk in a foreign country: the data doesn't show up on your driver's record.

Sorry US Citizens: Canada and Mexico doesn't count!


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